Loving the Nightmare
by Ms. Grim
Summary: With a growing void of emptiness within her, Celes confronts an unsupportive Arucard. Chapter THREE is now up.
1. Chapter 1

NB: I don't own Hellsing or anything else of value. While I have seen the 13 episodes, I won't pretend to be an expert on Hellsing. In fact, I think I was too busy drooling over Arucard to let much of the story line sink in...But I know one thing...I wish there was more...tension, if you will...between Arucard and Celes. I'm not saying that I want them to get together, because frankly, I don't think it would be realistic. So I'm going to try my hand at a little AxC...or maybe its just leaning a little more to C [wanting very badly to be] x A [but it just isn't going to happen].   
  
And for the record, I don't care what anyone else prefers to stick to when it comes to character names. I personally like Celes and Arucard, so that is what I'm going to use. If you have a problem with that, if it absolutely drives you nuts, lemme just say that I don't really care. Read something else.  
  
Loving the Nightmare  
  
She was beginning to believe that she was no longer capable of sleeping. Yet she was exhausted, lying on her side, crimson eyes burning. At first, all Celes could focus on was the bowl full of medical blood still on her table. She had ventured to consume at least half of it, but could take no more than three sips. She was hungry. So hungry.  
  
It had taken Celes more than a week of sleepless nights to discover that her hunger lay far beyond lack of food. While she knew she did not eat much, she was not starving herself. Some evenings she would return from her missions, and nearly attack the small blood pouch. Other evenings, and most mornings, she would feel so empty that the thought of filling the void was painful.   
  
She could not help but feel alone. Everyday, Celes was surrounded by living, breathing beings, and yet she had no companion. Walter was kind to her, but their relationship was purely professional. Celes sighed. Her relationship with everyone was purely professional now. She had no companions, no one to really talk to, to share with. And she knew that if she tried to engage in a relationship with anyone, she would be rejected for what she was. She was accepted because she knew how to do her job, and she learned to do it well. Without that, Celes would be nothing more than filth in the world's eye.   
  
Even her master was not her friend. Far from it. He would tutor her slightly, comment on her actions, and command her. But he was not a companion. Celes did not know if she regretted this, or if she was relieved. She did not know if she hated Arucard, or if she worshipped him. //It's probably both,\\ she commiserated. She knew what he was and what he was capable of. She knew he had little emotion, except when it came to the need to kill.   
  
He had killed her.   
  
But she had accepted that. She had given her consent, if that had even meant anything to him. That night in the church, he may well have shot through her, and left her to die if she had not made the choice she had.   
  
Celes shook her head. //But why did he offer the choice? How could it possibly have mattered to him whether I lived or died\\   
  
//But you are dead.\\  
  
Celes could not deny the fact. Yet she was still sentient. She still moved, spoke, and felt in accordance with her own motives. Even if Arucard was her master.   
  
Could she hate him for that? Could she hate him for killing her, yet allowing her to continue living?   
  
//I can hate you for hiding my humanity from others, for allowing them to be able to fear and hate me. For making me a monster in their eyes.\\  
  
"I am not a monster!" Celes cried out before hugging her knees to her chest, but not allowing herself to cry. "I'm not like you. I'm not a nightmare."  
  
The void within her seemed to expand within her as, in defeat, she buried her face in her pillow. //It was my choice\\/ Her voice rang inside her head with a thousand echoes. //It was my choice, and I want nothing more than for him to accept me for it. I need him to accept me. It was my choice, and I can't hate him for that.\\   
  
With a raw scream of frustration, Celes tore herself from her bed, hand raking at her pillow. With a rage and strength she never knew she possessed, she hurled the pillow across the room. It hit the stone wall with such force that it burst, feathers billowing like snow around her. Feeling the rage boil in her chest, and bubble up her throat, she picked up the bowl full of blood and whipped it across the room like a disc. It shattered, sounding like a tortured scream, the blood splattered angrily across the wall.   
  
Celes couldn't stop herself. Her hand tore at the ice bucket, catching the handle and slamming it down on the stone floor. Crushing it, she swung it down again, and let it bounce across the room while she upturned her table.   
  
"That's enough, police woman."  
  
Arucard's voice tore through Celes' mind. She ignored it, picking up her chair and reducing it to splinters. //Why can't I hate you!\\ Her mind screamed.  
  
"That is ENOUGH, Celes!"  
  
The shock of his voice outside of her mind caused Celes to stop. Indeed, his voice came from behind her. Her rage eased, seemingly swallowed by the ever growing void.   
  
She dropped what was left of her chair, the wooden shards sounding hollow as they hit the ground. Celes covered her face with her hands and felt her knees go weak.  
  
When Arucard spoke, his voice dripped with malice and amusement.   
  
"Your lack of control in such a circumstance is disgusting, police wo-"  
  
"Give me a reason to hate you," Celes cut Arucard off, something she regretted as soon as the words escaped her mouth. But she could not back down. Not now.   
  
Arucard did not answer, and Celes could only assume that she had angered him enough to leave, to abandon her. Closing her eyes, she turned around to face where he had been. Upon opening her eyes, she was shocked to see him still standing there.   
  
He was dressed as he always was, but with no hat or glasses to hide the disgust on his face. Celes knew that, without the sadistic grin on his face, and despite how disgusted he looked, Arucard was one of the most beautiful men she had ever seen.   
  
"Why can't I?" Celes whispered, unable to take her eyes away from Arucard's. "Why can't I hate you?"  
  
Arucard's smile surprised her at first, but she felt herself shatter when it revealed no good will.   
  
"Your emotional conflicts are no concern of mine, police woman," he spat, turning to leave. Celes merely sank to her knees, feeling no different about her master. And yet, as she watched him move away from her, she felt something erupt with her, and she could not stop it.  
  
"Do you ever tire of pretending?" she whispered, barely audible. She knew Arucard heard her, for he had stopped in his tracks. His back remained turned to her, but she continued. "Do you ever tire of pretending to be so unfeeling?"  
  
His laughter acted like adrenaline on her, the malice in it pushing her to her feet. Celes could feel herself lunging at him, willing her hands to become claws that would rip him apart. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted to cause him as much pain as he caused her.   
  
Celes never reached him. Arucard spun around with such speed that she could barely perceive the action. His arm shot out and he struck her to the ground with enough force to send her sliding.   
  
Celes slowly rolled onto her back in time to see Arucard move above her, arms reaching down like striking serpents. His hands grabbed the collar of her tunic, and he lifted her torso off the ground as if she were a rag doll.   
  
"Such an insubordinate," Arucard hissed, the sadistic grin tainting his features as he saw tears well in Celes' eyes. But his grin quickly faded as he saw Celes form a smile of her own.   
  
//Why can't I hate him?\\  
  
Arucard's grip on Celes' tunic tightened as he watched her bring her hands up between his arms and grip the collar of his crimson coat. His features darkened and he tried to push her back as she pulled herself closer to him.   
  
"You feel for her, don't you?" Celes asked, her voice still at a whisper. "You love your master. Despite everything."  
  
The look of rage on Arucard's face frightened Celes, and she thought he might strike her again. But she couldn't stop.  
  
"She is, after all, what you would call a disgusting mortal. She is nothing compared to you. If you weren't bound to her, you could destroy her a million times before she even blinks."  
  
Eyes flashing, Arucard attempted to shove Celes away from him, but she held on. She expected him to vanish, leaving her griping air, but he remained, allowing her to hold on to him.   
  
"Why do you pretend?" Celes nearly begged of him, pulling herself up so that their faces nearly touched. "Why do you pretend to feel nothing but hate and the need to kill?"  
  
Arucard was silent for several moments before he placed his gloved hands over hers, attempting to dislodge her.   
  
"This has gone on long enough," he said, with the unspoken command for her to remove herself immediately. And Celes did let go, but only to swing her arms around his neck and press her head against his chest.   
  
"Master," she breathed.   
  
Arucard was losing his patience.   
  
"You love her, I know you do." Celes began to cry against his chest, not out of jealously, but in realization of the inevitable. "She is all you have. As much as you hate that she is your master, that you are controlled, she is all you have. Does she love you back, Master? Could she love such a nightmare underling?"  
  
"Celes," Arucard hissed, alerting her that she was walking a very thin line.   
  
"Is this why I can't hate you?" Celes ignored his warning again. "You are my master. You are all I have; no matter how much I hate the fact, I can't help but love you."  
  
Celes surprised Arucard by laughing, and like his own laughter, it held no mirth.   
  
"I am so alone, Master." Celes then moved away from Arucard, taking her arms from around his neck. Never looking him in the eye, Celes backed away towards her door.   
  
"I am so alone, and it's my own fault."   
  
She stopped when her back felt the solid door behind her. Still facing Arucard, she couldn't look at him. She reached for the door handle behind her.   
  
"I think..." Celes started, forcing herself to look at Arucard. He stared back with an expression of annoyance and expectation.   
  
"I think that if I had known I would feel like this, I would have told you to shoot me and let me die. I would have told you to go to Hell."  
  
At her last words, Arucard smirked. But Celes didn't notice. All she saw was split second in which his eyes widened.   
  
She didn't say anything else. Even if he hadn't disappeared at that moment, she wouldn't have said anything else to him.   
  
His laughter rang in her ears as she let go of the door handle and slid to the cold floor. She buried her face in her hands once more.  
  
"I would have told you to go to Hell," she whispered again. "Anything would be better than loving a nightmare." 


	2. Chapter 2

NB: Same as before. I don't own Hellsing or anything else of worth.   
  
Also, Thanks for the reviews! I'm not really sure where I'm going with this story, and I'm not sure if I should pursue this line of thought...very difficult...So bear with me...if you want.  
  
Thoughts = //Blah blah, this is what I am thinking right now\\  
  
PS: I wasn't sure what to rate this, so I rated it R for rather unpleasant and/or disturbing images. I dunno. I think it's disturbing.   
  
**  
Sleep.  
  
At last.  
  
Restless sleep.   
  
It wasn't a kiss. Nothing so horribly terrifying as that could ever be called a kiss. He tore savagely at her, tearing her lips. She could feel nothing else of him. Just his mouth, his teeth.   
  
She fought desperately. But not to get away. She lunged her head forward, trying to catch him with her own mouth.   
  
Nothing.  
  
The moment she gave up, allowed submission to guide her, his mouth would be on hers again.   
  
Celes didn't want to wake up. She didn't want to give up her search. She needed to find him. Catch him. Hold him. But he eluded her every time.   
  
He was the attacker. He was the controller.   
  
//Master\\  
  
**  
  
Did she really need to apologize?  
  
Celes stood outside of Arucard's chamber, staring at his door with her back against wall. Her stomach felt hollow, her knees weak, and her head pounded. She had not eaten in three days, her appetite diminishing severely in the two weeks since her rejection. The taste of that rejection in her mouth made her nauseous.   
  
It was not a simple rejection. It was not an issue of a schoolgirl crush that would leave her silly and weepy for no more than a week.   
  
It tore deeply into her. A rejection so hideous that Celes was certain that it severed all ties to her remaining humanity. She felt the need to claw herself, maul her body until she could find some proof that she still had some humanity left. The pain, even death, would be enough to convince her that she was still, if only a little, human.   
  
But at that moment, Celes knew she had nothing. Not even the creature that created her, the monster that she was bound too, wanted her. All she had of him were her violent, reoccurring dreams.   
  
//Is he punishing me?\\  
  
The thought evoked a sob, and Celes brought her hands up over her mouth. //Is he punishing me for this?\\  
  
She knew that he was. His voice was absent from her mind and she had seen him only once in those two weeks. Once, with Integra. She could almost feel his smirk as she passed them.   
  
Her face burned with shame as she remembered clutching to him. //No matter how much I hate the fact...\\ Celes could still feel his coat clenched in her hands. She could feel her arms around his neck, and how her face felt nestled against his chest. //I can't help but love you.\\   
  
Frowning slightly, she could remember his smell. Or lack thereof.   
  
Celes hadn't considered it at the time. She was too focused on clinging to him to notice that Arucard had no smell. She could recall breathing in against him, and it was as if he wasn't there. It was as if she was just breathing in pure air.   
  
//Was he really there? Am I going insane?\\   
  
Celes slid one hand from her mouth and touched her face where Arucard had struck her. Her other hand dropped to her collar, where he had grabbed her tunic. His knuckles had pressed into her skin with a bruising pressure. Celes knew she had not imagined his presence. It was too real. Too painful.   
  
She gripped the collar of her shirt as she thought of how angry she had made him. Angry enough to strike her. Angry enough to look at her with malice and disgust. And yet...  
  
And yet he still allowed her to cling to him. He was more than strong enough to shove her away from him. He could have simply disappeared when she wrapped her arms around his neck, but he remained. //He was teasing me,\\ she told herself, shaking her head. //He was letting me hold him, letting me think that maybe there was something inside of him that wanted me to. Only so his rejection would be that much more amusing.\\   
  
For the briefest moment, she felt a flash of hate tear through her body. But it was quickly swallowed, inundated with sorrow.   
  
//I need to get out of here\\ she thought, feeling as though the walls of the hallway were closing in around her. //I need to get out now\\.  
  
But she couldn't leave. It had taken too much courage for her to finally be able to resolve that apologizing to Arucard was in her best interest. It had also taken an exorbitant amount of courage to resolve not to apologize for loving him.   
  
//Is he even capable of forgiving?\\ Celes really did not know, but she could not let her insubordinate act hang over her. //At least he'll know that I know I'm in the wrong.\\  
  
She took a step away from the wall.  
  
//It's easy. All I have to do is say that I'm sorry. It will never happen again. And then I'll leave. Done.\\  
  
With a rising pressure in her chest, she let herself fall back against the stone wall. It was as if Arucard himself had reached out and pushed her back.   
  
"I can't do this," Celes spoke aloud. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat and wiped her stinging eyes. For a moment, she believed that she would rather die than face Arucard again. Die a million agonizing deaths.   
  
It was enough to make her move from the wall and walk quickly back to her room.   
  
**  
  
//Something is different...\\  
  
She snapped to sudden awareness as if from black cloud. The darkness before her was so cold and complete that it seemed to peel at the back of her eyes, trying to let light in.   
  
She was lying on a hard surface, shivering and curled up on her side. Against her chest Celes held something all to familiar. Something she had hoped she would never have to hold again in such a circumstance.   
  
Entwining her fingers in his hair, Celes held his head tightly against her as she rose to a seated position. Despite the darkness, She could see his face. She could see her hands in his hair and her arms cradle him. She could see the deep red stains on her clothing, warm blood still seeping from where his body should have joined his neck.   
  
//Master...\\  
  
She noted that, for once, there was no hint of cruelty on his face. He almost looked peaceful. He was beautiful.   
  
Celes raised his head against her so that the underside of her chin rested against his forehead. She was surprised to find his skin so warm. She relished that warmth, feeling herself tremble with cold. She allowed one hand to drift through his hair to his temple, and down his face. She found his skin surprisingly soft. When she raised her head to look down at him, she saw that his face seemed to glow with healthy life, despite his head being severed from the rest of his body.   
  
Shifting so that she could cradle him in one arm, Celes traced the contours of his face with her fingertips. She guided them across his brow, over his cheekbones, down the straight ridge of his nose. There were no flaws, no blemish to betray him as human. He looked like an angel.   
  
As she continued to explore his face, Celes avoided his lips. She could not bring her fingers to touch what appeared to be perfect softness. And yet-  
  
She could not stop herself. She allowed her head to dip closer to his, and returning her hand into the depths of his hair, she placed her lips ever so lightly on his forehead. The contact caused her whole face to tingle, and eased the dark coldness that surrounded her.  
  
//What am I doing?\\   
  
A voice, barely discernable at the back of her mind, screamed at her to stop, to regard the severed head with fear and loathing. But she could not pull away. She could not stop her lips from leaving his forehead, trailing down his nose. She could not stop herself from delicately kissing each of his eyelids, his cheeks, and his chin.   
  
Again, she hesitated over his lips. Not wanting the comforting tingle and warmth to evade her, she closed her eyes and let her mouth linger over his.   
  
The contact was so light that she could barely feel him. Yet the moment she touched his lips, she was flooded with warmth. It started at the very tips of her toes, moving up her legs as though she were being submerged in liquid.   
  
Keeping her lips over his, Celes opened her eyes as she felt the warmth envelope her from the waist down.   
  
Her head jerked back in horror.  
  
She watched his face dissolve with the rest of his head. What had been his hair oozed from her fingers, dripping into her lap. Blood continued to cover her body, and Celes saw countless crimson eyes blinking at her as she thought she was going to drown. She screamed. //Wake up now. You've got to wake up now!\\  
  
For several seconds, the only sound that filled her mind was that of his malicious laughter.   
  
She felt herself being pushed onto her back roughly. As if a blanket were being lifted from her, the warmth of Arucard's blood dissipated. Celes suddenly felt the pressure of his body on top of hers, pinning her down. As in her previous dreams, she could not see him, but this time she could feel far more than his mouth and teeth.   
  
But he did not move to kiss her right away, to tear at her lips. Celes found that she could move her arms, and she reached up to find his face. He let her touch him, feel his expression. Her heart sank as she felt him grinning down at her. A grin void of good will.   
  
Celes was shocked at the gentle kiss Arucard finally bestowed her. A kiss very much like the one she had given him earlier. Their lips barely touched, and Celes found herself lifting her head so that she could press her lips more firmly against his.   
  
Her lips found nothing but cold air. He had evaded her again. Completely. She heard his laughter as the pressure of his body lifted, leaving her shivering and alone. //Teasing me. You're teasing me!\\  
  
"Master!" Her voice tore from her throat angrily, but she was drowned out by his laughter.   
  
"Really, Policewoman," Arucard's voice held unbridled amusement. "Am I really so enticing?"  
  
At his words, Celes could do nothing but scream her rage and frustration at his retreating laughter.   
  
**  
  
Celes woke with a start, breathing heavily. She felt cold and clammy, and could not stop shivering. She hugged herself, trying to regain some warmth. //Why am I doing this to myself?\\  
  
She shuddered, remembering how vivid her dream was. How real he felt. How badly she wanted to hold him, to be held. She remembered how cruel he was.   
  
Celes began to cry, softly, as quietly as she could manage, rocking her body back and forth as if to comfort.   
  
"Why are you doing this to me?\\ 


	3. Chapter 3

NB: I don't own Hellsing or anything else of worth.   
  
First off. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate it.   
  
Second, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. That is why it took me so long to get this up. I was considering just forgetting about it, but that wouldn't be very nice. So I tried my best, and this is what happened...  
  
Third...As much as I dislike her, I took some advice from one of my reviewers and added Integra's character. I wanted to add Anderson in my story somewhere too...but I decided that he is just way too badass for me to touch. I am not worthy. ^_^"  
  
Well. Here it is. Chapter 3!  
  
**  
  
Integra didn't waste any time on pleasantries. She never did with Arucard.   
  
"She is fond of you."   
  
She didn't bother looking at him as she spoke. She simply stared straight ahead while she lit a cigar. Arucard stood by her side, looking out the window in the opposite direction. He chuckled at her words.   
  
"An understatement."  
  
Integra did not share in his amusement. She didn't want to think about the consequences of vampires having emotions. Especially when it involved Victoria's silly crush on Arucard.  
  
She had been watching Arucard's minion. She had seen the way Victoria regarded her master, how it affected her. The girl probably hadn't 'eaten' in days. If she was getting any sleep at all, it was restless. Such things made people sloppy. Even if they were vampires.   
  
"This is no place for childish love affairs. I will not tolerate Victoria's distraction from her work."  
  
"It's a harmless infatuation," Arucard smirked. "Not worthy of attention."  
  
"End it, Arucard," Integra commanded him quietly, exhaling noxious smoke from her nose. "Find your amusement elsewhere."  
  
He chuckled again, making an overly elaborate display of bowing down to Integra.   
  
"As you wish."  
  
Integra gritted her teeth as Arucard vanished through the wall, laughing that sadistic laugh.   
  
**  
  
Celes woke up from what she decided would be her last tormented dream. Using her anger as motivation, she leapt from the confines of her bed. Wearing only her pajamas, Celes trod barefoot towards her door. //Nothing is going to stop me this time...\\  
  
She didn't know how she could possibly forget that it was daylight outside. She did her best to stay away from the rare patches of sunlight that found their way into the hallways. If things went badly in the next few minutes, Celes ventured that she would walk into that sunlight with open arms.   
  
But she wouldn't know until it was over. //Nothing is going to stop me...Nothing...\\  
  
What would she say to him? //Apologize,\\ she told herself. //Just apologize for your disrespect. For not obeying him...anything to stop him from tormenting you.\\ She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists as she kept moving. //Anything but loving him. You will not apologize for loving him, in any way, shape, or form.\\  
  
And if he refuses to forgive?   
  
Celes nearly stopped, but she forced herself to continue, only pausing to hide from the view of others. She didn't want them to see her, to see where she was going. It was hard enough on her already, just knowing what she was about to face.   
  
//Is he capable of forgiveness?\\ she asked herself, and not for the first time. //He will laugh in your face, he will scorn you, and he will hit you. What makes you think he'd forgive you after all that?\\  
  
In a way, it didn't matter to her anymore. She knew she couldn't spend another night without speaking to him, without apologizing for any wrong she had committed against him. She could not spend another day with him in her dreams.  
  
And if he rejected her again, she didn't think she could spend another day in existence. //I won't live like this,// she told herself firmly. //I am not alive. I have nothing to live for, and I will not exist in some meaningless hell, just so he can have a laugh.\\  
  
Celes found herself rounding the corner of the corridor that lead to Arucard's chamber. She slowed her pace, but she kept herself moving steadily. When she approached his door, she did not rest her back against the opposite wall like she had before. She did not pause to think over her words, or consider her alternatives. She did not give herself a chance to get scared, to turn her back and run.   
  
She nearly walked into his door, pressing herself against it as she raised a clenched fist to knock. Resting her forehead on the surface and closing her eyes, she let her fist make contact. Once. Twice. Three times.  
  
There was nothing left to do but wait.   
  
Celes had not even considered the possibility that he wouldn't be there. She didn't even know where else she would look for him, except to see if he was with Integra. Celes wasn't willing to approach Arucard in the presence of his master. She had noticed the woman watching her lately, assessing her every move, and not kindly. At first, Celes wondered if she had done something wrong. But then the horrifying thought struck her that maybe Integra knew all about Celes' dilemma, and her scrutiny was her way of telling Celes to step back in line.   
  
But again, it didn't matter. Celes' dilemma was with Arucard, and Arucard only.   
  
After a few moments without answer, Celes made to knock on his door again. This time, she applied more force. If he was beyond the door, he would definitely hear the sound.   
  
Celes had to wait several more moments before she heard the latch of his door release. She stood there, waiting for the door to swing open, but it didn't move. For a few seconds, Celes wondered if she had only imagined the sound of his door releasing, but upon testing the theory, she found his door swung easily inwards.   
  
Only darkness came to greet her. She stood at the threshold of his chamber, trying to focus on what lay beyond, but she couldn't see anything.  
  
"Master?" She stepped forward timidly. //Is he even here? Did he open the door for me or did I force it open?// Celes thought she could feel her heart racing, but knew it wasn't possible. //Is he still playing with me?\\  
  
As she stepped further into his chamber, the features of the room began to reveal themselves. //Why is it so dark in here? I should be able to see...\\  
  
The stone floor felt like ice under her feet, and Celes felt herself moving forwards simply to lessen the contact. If she had known she was to be trapped, Celes never would have crossed the threshold of his room.   
  
At the sound of the door slamming behind her, Celes spun and ran towards it. Her resolve immediately vanished and she wanted nothing more than to be back in her own room...but she could not open the door.   
  
"Are you lost?"  
  
At the sound of his amused voice, Celes could not suppress her startled outburst as she turned to look at him. Everything came into light and focus, and she saw Arucard sitting in his shirtsleeves, hands in his pockets and booted feet on a table. He wore neither hat nor glasses. Celes could see his crimson eyes glaring at her through strands of black hair that fell over his face. He was smirking.   
  
"Don't -" Celes started, but couldn't find her voice. With angry determination, she tried again. "Don't scare me like that!"  
  
Arucard's smirk pulled back into a bared-tooth grin, and Celes could hear his deep chuckle.   
  
"Have you come here to give me orders, Policewoman?" His jeering tone caused Celes' anger to rise. She took a deliberate step towards him, though she suddenly wished she was covered in more than just her pajamas.   
  
"I -" she began, her voice hard, but Arucard cut her off.   
  
"You need to know your place." He was no longer grinning. "And know that it isn't here!" He removed his hands from his pockets and his feet from the table. Celes could see that he was no longer interested in mocking her.   
  
And if she could have commanded the forces of nature, she would have willed for the sun to break through Arucard's ceiling and incinerate her sorry being. But she could only stand there, unable to speak.   
  
"That was your cue to leave me, Celes." His voice was hard, but it held no amusement, no scorn. "Do not provoke me."  
  
Celes stepped back, seeming defeated. He would not even hear her apology, much less forgive her. And yet, despite her apparent submission, she would not let Arucard push her away. Not yet.   
  
"Like you provoke Integra?"   
  
//Oh God...\\ She hadn't meant to say that.   
  
Celes watched the rage dance across Arucard's features as the words left her mouth, but she couldn't stop. A part of her that she never knew existed was beginning to surface. "Or is your master so gracious and accepting towards you that no one else matters."  
  
Celes continued to move backwards as Arucard began to advance. His eyes flashed, and his grin once again dominated his features. //He's going to kill me...\\  
  
"Though, to be honest, I can't imagine you being so bitter and un-accepting yourself if Integra actually gave you the time of day."  
  
Arucard stopped his advance, and Celes took the opportunity to turn her back and attempt to leave. But she should have known better than expect him to let her leave after she had uttered her poisonous words. She had said far more, far worse words than she had intended, and she should have expected his wrath in full force.   
  
Yet she was surprised when, having barely turned around, she felt their bodies contact. She did not see his arm move around her, his hand gripping the back of her neck painfully. He was forcing her to look up at him, while at the same time, crushing her against his body in a way that, if she had been alive, she wouldn't have been able to breathe. Celes thought he might break her neck, though she didn't know if it would kill her.   
  
"What do you want from me?" Arucard hissed down at her, and when she didn't reply, he began to laugh. "Such bold words," he spat. "And for what? You can't say it." He loosened his hold on her just enough so that he could bring his face close to hers. "Do you want me to hold you, policewoman?" He jerked her by the neck, and Celes cried out. "Do you want me to say nice things to you? Tell you how extremely fond I am of you?" He laughed again, the malice tearing at Celes' heart. "Perhaps I could give you little gifts, to remind you of how enamored I am."  
  
"Stop it," Celes whispered, trying to push away from him. He would not let her move.   
  
"What do you want from me?" he demanded. "What could you possibly imagine me having to give?" He jerked her again, but she gripped his shirt to keep herself steady. She found herself unable to say anything. She couldn't think of a single thing that would help her out of the situation. She could do nothing but wait for him to release her.  
  
But he didn't. He removed his hand from the back on her neck only to flatten it between her shoulder blades. His face was so close to hers that it caused her flesh to tingle. She found her own grip on his shirt lessen, and her hands flattened against his chest. She didn't realize she was still pushing against him, until the resisted pressure cause her hands to slip up to his shoulders. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his bent neck, trying to press herself fully against him.   
  
He wouldn't let her. He kept her so that that her face was always inches from his. He raised his free hand to brush hair from her forehead, and Celes found it so akin to a caress that she closed her eyes and exhaled.   
  
"Are you going to voice your answer, Policewoman?" His fingers trailed down the side of her face, along her delicate jaw line. He watched her eyelashes flutter as she arched her neck. "Or are you going to make me tear it from you."  
  
The force of his words startled her out of her daze, and before she could open her eyes, his lips were upon hers.  
  
It was not the savage, painful kiss of her dreams, nor was it delicate. His mouth was harsh against hers; invading, but he did not hurt her. She tightened her grip around his neck, afraid he would slip away, but when she responded to his kiss, he didn't evade her. He remained with her, allowing her to match his force, match his hunger.   
  
His lips moved from hers and she felt him move down her neck. She felt the lightest touch of his teeth, and she entwined her fingers in his hair, prolonging the erotic caress.  
  
"I will not dote on you, Celes," he said against her neck, his hands moving up her body. "I will offer you this, but I will not dote."  
  
His lips were on hers again, and she pulled at the red tails of his tie. She undid it, pulling it from the confines of his collar. Her hands ached to feel the skin beneath his shirt, and her fingers worked clumsily at the buttons.   
  
Arucard pulled away from her slightly, and he laughed at the dazed expression on Celes' face.  
  
"Are you accepting my offer?"  
  
Celes tried to pull him against her again, but he kept the distance.   
  
"Answer me!"  
  
She closed her eyes, and he allowed her to press her the side of her face against his chest.   
  
"Yes," she replied. She felt incredibly empty and betrayed, yet she could not turn away from him. She could not turn down the only offer of closeness he had ever given her. She would take anything, even if it was only physical contact. Anything, as long as he would not turn her away.   
  
As Arucard's arms encircled her, she felt his deep, cruel laughter resound from around her and from within her, as if he had taken over her very being. She allowed herself to be led where she knew she might never go again. She allowed herself to be taken, in the smallest hopes that Arucard would ease the emptiness that was eating her away.   
  
"You are going to cause me a lot of trouble, Policewoman."  
  
**  
  
Well, there you have it. I hope it was at least a tiny bit worth the wait. I apologize if I missed any errors. 


End file.
